Chapter Unknown

This is something that I wrote a few months back, but it's been on my heart a lot lately, and I thought I'd share it here...

Chapter Unknown

Those two words explain my thoughts and feelings about life right now.

Part of me is extremely excited about it. I have this hopeful expectation about what God has planned for me. I completely and confidently trust that He has had each of my days written out before one of them comes to be. He has shown me His sovereignty over and over throughout my life. I know His plans are perfect and I know His ways are good.

However, His ways are not my ways, and His thoughts are not my thoughts…

That leads me to the other part of my heart—the part that feels “stuck” for lack of a better word. As we grow up, the next “step” or “chapter” of life is fairly clearly placed before us. We start Kindergarten at age five, we finish Elementary School and go on to Junior High, we begin High School and spend four years there—all the while knowing and celebrating the year we will graduate (2004, thank you very much). Then, although it may be unknown for a time, we go on to college, decide on a career path, graduate college, and start a job (praise the Lord I have a job).

And this seems to be the last “step” or “chapter” that is really set out for us….

What now? What do I do? Where do I go? I wait…

Never would I have imagined that I’d be living at home at the age of twenty-five, teaching Junior High, and waiting…

I feel like I’m living this chapter of my life that God has written long ago, but it’s not an ordinary chapter—it’s the chapter of the book that you’re in the middle of when you say to yourself “oh I’ll set the book down after this chapter” and it just keeps going on and on and on.

It seems like there is no end in sight. Of course, you know the chapter always does come to an end, and a new one will inevitably begin with it’s adventures and challenges and joys and heartaches. But, as you’re anticipating the next exciting chapter, you struggle to enjoy the seemingly never-ending chapter you’re currently reading.

Stuck.

I’m struggling to not feel stuck. I’m struggling to embrace this time of life and the lessons that God is teaching me now. I’m struggling with patience and making the most of every day. I’m struggling to make the most of this chapter of my life. I want to enjoy every word of every sentence of every paragraph of every page without peeking ahead.

I normally love surprises. I’m not one who likes to find hidden presents around the house or peek ahead to see what happens at the end of the book…so why is this so different?

Why do I so desperately want to know what’s next?

Perhaps because I’ve been waiting for this particular chapter since I was a little girl?

I don’t have the answers. Praise the Lord that He does. As I struggle to embrace this chapter of my life and wait in hopeful expectation of the next, may this song be my anthem:

While I’m Waiting

By, John Waller

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am hopeful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful

But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting

I will serve You

While I'm waiting

I will worship

While I'm waiting

I will not faint

I'll be running the race

Even while I wait

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it's not easy

But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve you while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord