Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Be Someone...

Today I wore this shirt...




















...and asked my kids to reflect upon the quote for a while. I asked them to think about who they've been, who they are, and who they really want to be. I handed out their journals and had them write down the quote and honestly examine it in terms of their hearts and lives. I was surprised and delighted when an incredible hush fell over my room and my students began to write....and write...and write. Since they were putting so much effort into it, I decided to respond to the quote as well so that I could share my thoughts with them. We had a pretty awesome discussion after we finished writing.

This is what I wrote:

Be someone who makes someone else look forward to tomorrow.

In reflecting upon this quote, I am reminded that I am always an example. Sometimes I am a good, positive example, and unfortunately, sometimes I am a negative, poor example. Which do I want to be? Of course, I want to be the good, positive example. I want people to look at me and see my integrity and know what I believe, but it’s a struggle every day. I have to wake up each morning and decide to live with integrity. I have to decide every day who I am going to be. Most mornings, I am more focused on rolling out of bed, getting myself ready, and the intensity of the day before me. But, I am reminded today that I need to stop and focus in the morning. I need to pause and decide each day who I am going to be. If I don’t, I can easily turn into the negative and poor example. I can all too easily turn into someone with a bad attitude, someone who falls into gossip or selfishness, someone who cares more about making my own day than making someone else’s. And that’s not who I want to be! I want to be a smiling face, a warm hug, a positive word. I want others to wake up in the morning and be glad that they get to come to Warren Junior High because it’s a place where they feel safe and loved and protected. I want to show my students that there IS another way, that it IS possible to make the right choices, that it IS possible to stand above the line. I want to be someone that makes someone else look forward to tomorrow.


So, who do YOU want to be? 

Friday, May 16, 2014

Reflections on Psalm 109 and God's Sovereignty

If you missed my original Five Year Flashback post on Psalm 109 and God's Sovereignty, click here.


But you, O Sovereign LORD, deal well with me for your name’s sake; out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.

Although I often don't understand it at the time (or years later!), God always delivers me for his name's sake. His love is good. His love is real.

When I wrote the original post, I had just begun subbing. It was challenging to say the least,  but I was grateful to be working. I thought for sure that that is what God had planned for me (at least for a year).

Boy, was I wrong! (Isn't that usually how it goes?!)

Shortly after that post, I was hired by BCSD (Bakersfield City School District) to teach 6th grade ELA and history. Since then I have taught three different grade levels in three different schools. At this point, I am finishing up my third year at my third school (how amazing it has been to be in one place for a few years!).

To quote my original post: My God is wise and good and faithful–He is Sovereign and His plans are good. Good thing too–because if I had my way, I’d no doubt screw it all up. Like I wrote previously, I had plans of my own. Thank you God for not allowing me to follow my own plan. Thank you for being the Lord of my life and granting me wisdom, discretion, and peace. How sweet is your peace…

God knew. God knew EXACTLY what was next for me. It wasn't always easy. It ISN'T always easy. But, I ADORE my students, and I LOVE my job. As exhausted as I am, I honestly can't imagine saying goodbye to my kids (and "see you later") to my coworkers in just under two weeks.



As the years go on, teaching has gotten a bit easier. I am more comfortable. I know a bit more of what I'm doing and how to relate to my students. However, self confidence is always something with which I've struggled. I was talking to a good friend about this not too long ago, and this friend's response was, "Well, maybe that's God's way of keeping you humble and in need of Him." My first thoughts? Doubt it. Not two days later I read this from my original post:

Confidence in myself is something I really struggle with. But, what an amazing thing that is. If I don’t have confidence in myself, I have to look elsewhere–to God. He has done well to keep me humble by having me struggle with confidence. He makes sure that as I stand up in front of a classroom of budding minds, He is there with me, guiding me, directing me, teaching and loving through me. Those kids don’t need me and my love–they need God. I am so grateful He allows me to be an instrument for Him. May I never get completely comfortable, may I never fully rely on myself, may I never think that I’m all that my students need…I’m far from it.
Nothing like slapping yourself in the face (figuratively, of course)
What a good reminder as I wrap up this school year and try to use every moment to love on and inspire my kids....
What a good reminder as I pack up and head half way across the world to love on some kids in Romania... 
They need HIM, not me. 

Finally, although I love my job, and although I'm certainly loving life right now, there is always a part of me that wonders what is next. What else does God have for me? This certainly isn't how I imagined my life would be when I wrote that post five years ago. Yet, the end of that last post is a good (face-slapping) reminder....
There are still lots of uncertainties about living here now. So much of my future is unclear. But, I stand on the promise that my God is faithful and my God is Sovereign. Why should I doubt? Why do I continue to doubt? My God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He has a plan for His name’s sake, not mine. May my life be lived for His glory, never my own. My plans are futile; His are perfect.
Why wouldn’t I trust in perfect?

God knows. God knows EXACTLY what was next for me. 

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Five Year Flashback: Psalm 109:21 and God's Sovereignty

Here is another blog post from FIVE years ago. To check out my first one, click here. 

September 19, 2009 at 12:09 am  
But you, O Sovereign LORD, deal well with me for your name’s sake; out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.
My God is Sovereign. He deals well with me, for His name’s sake. I praise God for that–for His Sovereignty, His goodness, faithfulness, justice, and provision. I could go on and on about the characteristics of God. I have been reading through the Old Testament and it’s been amazing to learn more about God’s character and His Sovereignty. He had a plan when He created the universe, when he decimated the earth in the flood, when He brought forth Israel out of Egypt, and when He created me. My God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
The God who (literally) woke me up this morning (my alarm clock certainly didn’t) is the same God that spoke to Moses in the burning bush. Wow….plain and simple.
My God is wise and good and faithful–He is Sovereign and His plans are good.
Good thing too–because if I had my way, I’d no doubt screw it all up. Like I wrote previously, I had plans of my own. Thank you God for not allowing me to follow my own plan. Thank you for being the Lord of my life and granting me wisdom, discretion, and peace. How sweet is your peace…
It’s a miracle watching God work. He does it constantly, but how often do we stop to notice it? I won’t go into elaborate detail, but the new subbing system in the district I came home to work for is quite different this year because of all the budget cuts. I thought I would hardly be able to work, and I was at a loss for what I was to do. However, as it turns out, with the way the system is working (and all the wonderful secretaries I know that have put me on preferred lists), I’ve subbed every day for the last six days and I have sub jobs already lined up for next week and a couple into October. God knew exactly what He was doing when He brought me here and He IS providing for me–in ways I would have never expected.
As a matter of fact, I was actually terrified to start subbing. I didn’t sleep at all the night before my first job. I was shaking the morning I left to drive to the school. Confidence in myself is something I really struggle with. But, what an amazing thing that is. If I don’t have confidence in myself, I have to look elsewhere–to God. He has done well to keep me humble by having me struggle with confidence. He makes sure that as I stand up in front of a classroom of budding minds, He is there with me, guiding me, directing me, teaching and loving through me. Those kids don’t need me and my love–they need God. I am so grateful He allows me to be an instrument for Him. May I never get completely comfortable, may I never fully rely on myself, may I never think that I’m all that my students need…I’m far from it.
Subbing isn’t always easy. I don’t like not knowing from day to day whether I’ll work or not. I want to hit my alarm clock some mornings, and I’m so glad when Friday rolls around; yet, I’m working, and I must praise God for that! I am gaining so much experience, and I pray that I am at least making a slight impact on a life here and there.
There are still lots of uncertainties about living here now. So much of my future is unclear. But, I stand on the promise that my God is faithful and my God is Sovereign. Why should I doubt? Why do I continue to doubt? My God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He has a plan for His name’s sake, not mine. May my life be lived for His glory, never my own. My plans are futile; His are perfect.
Why wouldn’t I trust in perfect?

But you, O Sovereign LORD, deal well with me for your name’s sake; out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.


Stay tuned for my reflections on this blog post and how things have changed (or not) in the last five years.