Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Best Laid Plans...

I had it all planned out.

Since I got my new fancy walker (the one with the seat and the basket), I decided that I didn't need my scooter anymore. The scooter was really doing a disservice to my foot anyway, so I could do without it, right?

Today was the day. I was going to use the walker all day today and come home and share about how great it was.

Well? I did use the walker all day.

And? It wasn't so great.

I guess there's something to be said for actually doing it. I suppose I just envisioned it going better than it did.

It. Was. So. Slow. 

Just getting from the parking lot to my classroom seemed to take an eternity--not to mention the bus evacuation drill we had, going back and forth to the restroom, or the trip to and from the lounge at lunch.

I thought I would be happier about it. I thought tonight would be a time to celebrate. But instead, I'm just tired and discouraged.

My ankle currently hates me--it's not used to this movement or weight. The nerves in my hands are all whacked out from the walker--I'm praying that will go away eventually. And, my mind and heart are just whining--I'm sure that too will pass. :)

I don't want it to seem like I'm just complaining. I simply want to share my heart--through the good days and bad. I know we all have them.


I did realize something about myself today (or maybe over the last week or so): my get-it-done-NOW personality definitely applies to "getting better" as well. I'm pretty much the opposite of a procrastinator. I'm definitely not saying this to brag--it can be quite a hinderance and challenge. I'm stubborn. When I start something, I want it done THEN (or yesterday). I can't stand putting things off until the last minute. It drives me CRAZY to leave a project (of any kind) unfinished....

And with my recovery? I want it done yesterday. It's so hard for me to focus on the "little victories." I am blinded by my bigger picture--I'm not walking normally yet.  I get discouraged by days like this (those that didn't go as planned) instead of encouraged by what I did do.

I know God is working in my heart. I know He is still teaching me patience and how to rely on Him in everything. I can tell even as I'm writing right now that He is trying to break through my stubbornness and get me to focus on His bigger picture--He is with me, He will heal me.

In HIS time...

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