Last night at home group, my (oh-so-wise) pastor prayed that God would bring healing and comfort to me during this time. Not so out of the ordinary--many people have been praying that exact prayer (and I'm incredibly grateful!).
However, he also added something along these lines: I pray that You will teach Amy everything you have for her during this time until You choose to heal her.
My first gut reaction? I want to be done learning! I want to walk and drive again! This is taking forever!
But, his prayer kept spinning through my mind...
...throughout the day.
The picture that accompanied those words? A screaming, crying, tantrum of a toddler fighting a time out.
To a little one, time outs last for eternity. They are a way for a loving parent to teach a young child a lesson. However, the child often cannot see or understand the lesson during the time out--they are too focused on the pain. Why? This is unfair! This isn't fun! I'm sick of this! Don't you love me?
Of course the parent loves the child--that's why the little one is in a time out. Lessons are taught out of love. Eventually the little one will come to understand the lesson and the love enveloped in it.
Now, I'm not saying that every trial or struggle we experience is because we did something wrong or need a time out. That "picture" may not fit the situation perfectly. But, at times I do see myself as a screaming, fighting, crying toddler not wanting to "serve my time" during this period of my life. I want out. I want it to be over. I don't care about the lesson.
But, the lessons are enveloped in love. Didn't I just write that?
My God loves me more than I can ever understand. He cares about each tear, each struggle, every second I start to freak out, each moment of pain. He wants to teach me because He loves me.
So, I'm going to do my darndest (with His strength of course because mine is all gone) to learn all that He has for me during this time.
I'll share a few lessons with you now...and try to add to the list as they arise:
1. I have learned patience--everything I do takes planning. I have to think about basically every move before I make it. I'm slower. Everything takes a lot longer.
2. I have learned to let go of control (or I'm trying to)--this is a HUGE struggle for this ridiculously independent girl. I need help with basically everything: making food, getting clothes out, laundry, getting anywhere (I can't drive), etc. It's not easy to be dependent.
3. I have learned to count my blessings--people have been amazing, and I certainly can't ignore that. I have been told just about every day for weeks that someone is praying for me. People have given me rides, helped me make copies, gotten me things I couldn't reach, checked on me during the day, etc. People have been so good at loving me.
God has been so good at showing His love for me through His people.
I pray that I will keep learning all that God has for me during this time, until He chooses to heal me.
I pray that I'll be able to focus on His love and the blessings He has given me through His children--especially on the harder days.