Monday, April 2, 2012

Things Every Teenage Girl Should Hear (more than once!)

I read this blog this morning, and thought it was definitely worth discussing on here.

Kate Elizabeth Conner speaks about 10 things she wants to tell teenage girls. Here is her list (copy and pasted from her blog):

1.  If you choose to wear shirts that show off your boobs, you will attract boys. To be more specific, you will attract the kind of boys that like to look down girls’ shirts.  If you want to date a guy who likes to look at other girls’ boobs and chase skirts, then great job; keep it up.  If you don’t want to date a guy who ogles at the breasts of other women, then maybe you should stop offering your own breasts up for the ogling.  All attention is not equal.  You think you want attention, but you don’t.  You want respect.  All attention is not equal.
2. Don’t go to the tanning bed.  You’ll thank me when you go to your high school reunion and you look like you’ve been airbrushed and then photoshopped compared to the tanning bed train wrecks formerly known as classmates – well, at least next to the ones that haven’t died from skin cancer.
3.  When you talk about your friends “anonymously” on Facebook, we  know exactly who you’re talking about.  People are smarter than you think they are.  Stop posting passive-aggressive statuses about the myriad of ways your friends disappoint you.
4. Newsflash: the number of times you say “I hate drama” is a pretty good indicator of how much you love drama.  Non-dramatic people don’t feel the need to discuss all the drama they didn’t start and aren’t involved in.
5.  “Follow your heart” is probably the worst advice ever. 
6. Never let a man make you feel weak or inferior because you are an emotional being.  Emotion is good; it is nothing to be ashamed of.  Emotion makes us better – so long as it remains in it’s proper place: subject to truth and reason.
7.  Smoking is not cool.
8.  Stop saying things like, “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me.”  First of all, that’s not true.  And second of all, if it is true, you need a perspective shift.  Your reputation matters – greatly.  You should care what people think of you.
9. Don’t play coy or stupid or helpless to get attention.  Don’t pretend something is too heavy so that a boy will carry it for you.  Don’t play dumb to stroke someone’s ego.  Don’t bat your eyelashes in exchange for attention and expect to be taken seriously, ever.  You can’t have it both ways.  Either you show the world that you have a brain and passions and skills, or you don’t.  There are no damsels in distress managing corporations, running countries, or managing households.  The minute you start batting eyelashes, eyelashes is all you’ve got.
10.  You are beautiful.  You are enough.  The world we live in is twisted and broken and for your entire life you will be subjected to all kinds of lies that tell you that you are not enough.  You are not thin enough.  You are not tan enough.  You are not smooth, soft, shiny, firm, tight, fit, silky, blonde, hairless enough.  Your teeth are not white enough.  Your legs are not long enough.  Your clothes are not stylish enough.  You are not educated enough.  You don’t have enough experience.  You are not creative enough.
There is a beauty industry, a fashion industry, a television industry, (and most unfortunately) a pornography industry: and all of these have unique ways of communicating to bright young women: you are not beautiful, sexy, smart or valuable enough.
You must have the clarity and common sense to know that none of that is true. None of it.
You were created for a purpose, exactly so.  You have innate value.  You are loved more than you could ever comprehend; it is mind-boggling how much you are adored.  There has never been, and there will never be another you.  Therefore, you have unique thoughts to offer the world.  They are only yours, and we all lose out if you are too fearful to share them.
You are beautiful.  You are valuable.  You are enough.

Love that list! And to this ten, I'd like to add a few of my own...

11. Wearing a skimpy 2 piece bathing suit is no different than prancing around in your underwear in public--think about it. Would you want your father, brother, pastor, neighbor, teacher, etc. to see you lounging around in your underwear? No? Then don't think you can change the texture of the material and be fine wearing it to the beach or pool. It's not fair to the men in your life to put them in the position of having to constantly avoid looking at you and/or your friends.

12. Don't date until college or after (with a few exceptions being made for later high school years). What's the purpose of dating?? Marriage. Not sex. If sex is the purpose of dating, then you're offering your heart and soul freely on a platter to any man who comes near you--eventually you will have nothing left. It is not worth the pain and heartache and drama. The goal of dating should be MARRIAGE, so don't date until you're ready to think about marriage. Don't waste your precious heart and body before then. You are a treasure--find someone who will treasure you. Your body is a temple--treat it so and wait until marriage to have sex.

13. Don't move in with your boyfriend/fiancĂ©. Statistics show that divorce rates are higher for those who have lived together before marriage as opposed to those who haven't. 

14. If you ever find yourself pregnant before you're ready to have a baby, CAREFULLY consider all of your options. Adoption is a beautiful thing, whereas abortion can rip you apart physically, mentally, and emotionally for the rest of your life.

15. You can have fun without drinking. I know, SHOCKING! 

I could probably go on and on... 

BUT, I'd rather hear from you. 

What would you add to this list?!? 


Nicole said...

I agree with all of the listed advice! What else... what else...?

1) Do not waste your coolness in your teenage years. Everyone only gets a certain amount, and the longer you wait to spend yours, the better off you will be.

2) If you don't want anyone to find out about it, don't do it.

3) Own your mistakes, grow from them, and move on. There are few things more annoying than immature blame-shifting.

4) Get out of town. Seriously. Go see the world. Go make friends with people from different cities, states, countries, cultures. It will give you great perspective on your own life.

5) Be the kind of girl who does what she says she is going to do. Irresponsibility and unreliability are also really annoying, and they are hard habits to break. Be a woman of your word.

6) After you put the kids to bed when you're babysitting, clean (I mean general picking up) the house, or at least clean the kitchen. Don't just watch TV or get sucked into your phone (games/FB/texting). You will make some mom's night, and you'll get great business off of recommendations.

That was random...

I totally want to second the point not to worry about the crap the world says about beauty. And the advice about finding a mentor is THE BEST!

Pablo Reyes said...

I love your list Nicole! Especially Number 3. Actually kept thinking about late last night before I went to bed about what to add and that was one of them!

My students do not own up to their mistakes. They make excuses for everything. Shift blame. Drives me nuts!!! Just admit to your mistake, refocus, and move on.

Thanks for the blog Amy. I enjoy reading it. :)

Kristen said...

Love this!

Here are a couple more I would add:
1. No matter how "good" the information is, you DO NOT need to repeat it. Whether or not it's true, gossip is always painful and is never helpful. Unless someone is in serious danger, you do not need to talk about it. IF someone is in danger, talk to an adult.

2. Be the kind of friend you want to have. Good friends are precious- recognize them! Make sure you appreciate them and cultivate edifying relationships.