We MADE IT!

Here I sit in a familiar room in a place that I love, waiting for Bogdan to pick us up for church where Brian (one of my favorite teachers of all time) is going to speak....

But, how was our journey to this beloved place, you ask?

LONG.

Yet, surprisingly good (which has me breathing a huge sigh of relief knowing Brian's not so great luck with traveling).

Mel Johnson picked us up Friday morning at around 8:30. We loaded up and headed out. After our obligatory stop at Sbux on the way, we made it to LAX.

Check in went without a hitch. We tried to see if there were any exit rows or bulkhead seats available, but alas, there weren't. Oh well.....we'd survive.

We made our way through security and happened upon an entirely redone LAX. We decided to eat at 800 Degrees (look it up, it's awesome!) and sit and chat for a while. I must say, these folks have some AWESOME stories. Getting lost at sea, anyone?

When the time came, we made our way to our gate and onto our ginormous airplane. Mom and I were sitting across the aisle from one another (with a cat right behind us--no joke, a cat in its own seat) with Brian and DeAnn a few rows behind us. As the plane filled in, Mom and I became BFFs  with one of the Stewards who informed us that once they announced boarding complete, we could switch seats if there were any available. Ding ding ding! Exit row seat was not yet taken!! It was as if little fireworks were going off inside the plane.

Boarding was finally complete... I looked back and smiled at our new BFF, and he told me I could move into the exit row. I must say, I have some pretty awesome prayer warriors out there, because my new seat ROCKED.

Brian was now just one row behind on the left, and I could look forward and talk to Mom if I wanted to. Awesome!

I wasn't able to sleep on this flight, but I did watch a few movies, read, walk around, sit on the floor in front of my seat, completely stretch out, etc. It was the joke that I had my own personal business class seat (as I was sprawled out on the floor). Now, the hard airplane floor wasn't exactly as comfy as a business class seat, but I was NOT complaining!

We made it to Frankfurt without incident and onto our flight toward Vienna. At that point we were all getting a bit (or a lot) weary, but our flight was on time and everything went smoothly. By the time we arrived in Vienna, I'm pretty sure we were all DONE (hence the picture I put on FB), but we knew the end was in sight.

I had a window seat on our flight from Vienna to Bucharest (a first in many many years), and it was totally incredible to look out at the land and the clouds (while I wasn't asleep). I can't even really describe my excitement as we began to descend toward Bucharest.

After quickly snaking our way through the airport and customs, we came upon our luggage belt with our luggage already circling around it. Are you kidding me? How awesome is that! We made it, all our bags made it, and Bogdan was waiting for us right outside. Praise Jesus!

We loaded up and headed toward the ministry center through the rain. As completely exhausted as I was, I think I got my second wind at this point--even more so when we arrived and Bogdan asked us if  we wanted to visit the apartment for a few minutes. Umm A THOUSAND TIMES YES!

We eagerly hopped back into the car after unloading and headed over to the Home of Hope. As we approached the apartment, we could hear the little ones laughing and carrying on inside. How sweet the sound! I wish I could describe their faces when they opened the door and saw Bogdan. They completely adore him. I wish I could describe our faces as we saw these sweet beauties for the first time. Total joy. Total answer to prayer!

We introduced ourselves, got some hugs and kisses, and were taken on a high pitched tour of the apartment. The girls sang for us, showed us pictures, and recited their colors IN ENGLISH. Little Georgiana never stopped smiling. I'm pretty sure these sweet faces will forever be etched into my memory. What an incredible way to end such a long journey here.

After saying our "see you laters," we returned to the ministry center to unpack, unwind, and try to sleep. It seems the girls were able to do so quite well, but poor Brian did not sleep well.

Please be praying for him as he's about to preach TWO services today. May The Lord be his strength.

Thanks so much for praying for our journey here. Please keep praying as we attend church today and hit the ground running with kids tomorrow. We are INCREDIBLY grateful for all of you. I love you all so much!!

God bless!

Be Someone...

Today I wore this shirt...

...and asked my kids to reflect upon the quote for a while. I asked them to think about who they've been, who they are, and who they really want to be. I handed out their journals and had them write down the quote and honestly examine it in terms of their hearts and lives. I was surprised and delighted when an incredible hush fell over my room and my students began to write....and write...and write. Since they were putting so much effort into it, I decided to respond to the quote as well so that I could share my thoughts with them. We had a pretty awesome discussion after we finished writing.

This is what I wrote:

Be someone who makes someone else look forward to tomorrow.

In reflecting upon this quote, I am reminded that I am always an example. Sometimes I am a good, positive example, and unfortunately, sometimes I am a negative, poor example. Which do I want to be? Of course, I want to be the good, positive example. I want people to look at me and see my integrity and know what I believe, but it’s a struggle every day. I have to wake up each morning and decide to live with integrity. I have to decide every day who I am going to be. Most mornings, I am more focused on rolling out of bed, getting myself ready, and the intensity of the day before me. But, I am reminded today that I need to stop and focus in the morning. I need to pause and decide each day who I am going to be. If I don’t, I can easily turn into the negative and poor example. I can all too easily turn into someone with a bad attitude, someone who falls into gossip or selfishness, someone who cares more about making my own day than making someone else’s. And that’s not who I want to be! I want to be a smiling face, a warm hug, a positive word. I want others to wake up in the morning and be glad that they get to come to Warren Junior High because it’s a place where they feel safe and loved and protected. I want to show my students that there IS another way, that it IS possible to make the right choices, that it IS possible to stand above the line. I want to be someone that makes someone else look forward to tomorrow.

So, who do YOU want to be? 

Reflections on Psalm 109 and God's Sovereignty

If you missed my original Five Year Flashback post on Psalm 109 and God's Sovereignty, click here.

Psalm 109:21

But you, O Sovereign LORD, deal well with me for your name’s sake; out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.

Although I often don't understand it at the time (or years later!), God always delivers me for his name's sake. His love is good. His love is real.

When I wrote the original post, I had just begun subbing. It was challenging to say the least,  but I was grateful to be working. I thought for sure that that is what God had planned for me (at least for a year).

Boy, was I wrong! (Isn't that usually how it goes?!)

Shortly after that post, I was hired by BCSD (Bakersfield City School District) to teach 6th grade ELA and history. Since then I have taught three different grade levels in three different schools. At this point, I am finishing up my third year at my third school (how amazing it has been to be in one place for a few years!).

To quote my original post: My God is wise and good and faithful–He is Sovereign and His plans are good. Good thing too–because if I had my way, I’d no doubt screw it all up. Like I wrote previously, I had plans of my own. Thank you God for not allowing me to follow my own plan. Thank you for being the Lord of my life and granting me wisdom, discretion, and peace. How sweet is your peace…

God knew. God knew EXACTLY what was next for me. It wasn't always easy. It ISN'T always easy. But, I ADORE my students, and I LOVE my job. As exhausted as I am, I honestly can't imagine saying goodbye to my kids (and "see you later") to my coworkers in just under two weeks.

As the years go on, teaching has gotten a bit easier. I am more comfortable. I know a bit more of what I'm doing and how to relate to my students. However, self confidence is always something with which I've struggled. I was talking to a good friend about this not too long ago, and this friend's response was, "Well, maybe that's God's way of keeping you humble and in need of Him." My first thoughts? Doubt it. Not two days later I read this from my original post:

Confidence in myself is something I really struggle with. But, what an amazing thing that is. If I don’t have confidence in myself, I have to look elsewhere–to God. He has done well to keep me humble by having me struggle with confidence. He makes sure that as I stand up in front of a classroom of budding minds, He is there with me, guiding me, directing me, teaching and loving through me. Those kids don’t need me and my love–they need God. I am so grateful He allows me to be an instrument for Him. May I never get completely comfortable, may I never fully rely on myself, may I never think that I’m all that my students need…I’m far from it.

Nothing like slapping yourself in the face (figuratively, of course)! 

What a good reminder as I wrap up this school year and try to use every moment to love on and inspire my kids....

What a good reminder as I pack up and head half way across the world to love on some kids in Romania... 

They need HIM, not me. 

Finally, although I love my job, and although I'm certainly loving life right now, there is always a part of me that wonders what is next. What else does God have for me? This certainly isn't how I imagined my life would be when I wrote that post five years ago. Yet, the end of that last post is a good (face-slapping) reminder....

There are still lots of uncertainties about living here now. So much of my future is unclear. But, I stand on the promise that my God is faithful and my God is Sovereign. Why should I doubt? Why do I continue to doubt? My God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He has a plan for His name’s sake, not mine. May my life be lived for His glory, never my own. My plans are futile; His are perfect.

Why wouldn’t I trust in perfect?

God knows. God knows EXACTLY what was next for me. 

Five Year Flashback: Psalm 109:21 and God's Sovereignty

Here is another blog post from FIVE years ago. To check out my first one, click here. 

Psalm 109:21

September 19, 2009 at 12:09 am  

But you, O Sovereign LORD, deal well with me for your name’s sake; out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.

My God is Sovereign. He deals well with me, for His name’s sake. I praise God for that–for His Sovereignty, His goodness, faithfulness, justice, and provision. I could go on and on about the characteristics of God. I have been reading through the Old Testament and it’s been amazing to learn more about God’s character and His Sovereignty. He had a plan when He created the universe, when he decimated the earth in the flood, when He brought forth Israel out of Egypt, and when He created me. My God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

The God who (literally) woke me up this morning (my alarm clock certainly didn’t) is the same God that spoke to Moses in the burning bush. Wow….plain and simple.

My God is wise and good and faithful–He is Sovereign and His plans are good.

Good thing too–because if I had my way, I’d no doubt screw it all up. Like I wrote previously, I had plans of my own. Thank you God for not allowing me to follow my own plan. Thank you for being the Lord of my life and granting me wisdom, discretion, and peace. How sweet is your peace…

It’s a miracle watching God work. He does it constantly, but how often do we stop to notice it? I won’t go into elaborate detail, but the new subbing system in the district I came home to work for is quite different this year because of all the budget cuts. I thought I would hardly be able to work, and I was at a loss for what I was to do. However, as it turns out, with the way the system is working (and all the wonderful secretaries I know that have put me on preferred lists), I’ve subbed every day for the last six days and I have sub jobs already lined up for next week and a couple into October. God knew exactly what He was doing when He brought me here and He IS providing for me–in ways I would have never expected.

As a matter of fact, I was actually terrified to start subbing. I didn’t sleep at all the night before my first job. I was shaking the morning I left to drive to the school. Confidence in myself is something I really struggle with. But, what an amazing thing that is. If I don’t have confidence in myself, I have to look elsewhere–to God. He has done well to keep me humble by having me struggle with confidence. He makes sure that as I stand up in front of a classroom of budding minds, He is there with me, guiding me, directing me, teaching and loving through me. Those kids don’t need me and my love–they need God. I am so grateful He allows me to be an instrument for Him. May I never get completely comfortable, may I never fully rely on myself, may I never think that I’m all that my students need…I’m far from it.

Subbing isn’t always easy. I don’t like not knowing from day to day whether I’ll work or not. I want to hit my alarm clock some mornings, and I’m so glad when Friday rolls around; yet, I’m working, and I must praise God for that! I am gaining so much experience, and I pray that I am at least making a slight impact on a life here and there.

There are still lots of uncertainties about living here now. So much of my future is unclear. But, I stand on the promise that my God is faithful and my God is Sovereign. Why should I doubt? Why do I continue to doubt? My God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He has a plan for His name’s sake, not mine. May my life be lived for His glory, never my own. My plans are futile; His are perfect.

Why wouldn’t I trust in perfect?

But you, O Sovereign LORD, deal well with me for your name’s sake; out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.

Stay tuned for my reflections on this blog post and how things have changed (or not) in the last five years. 

FYF: Reflections on My First Ever Blog Post

I'm writing this post to reflect upon my first ever blog post that I shared yesterday. If you missed it, click here.

Five years sure does go quickly, doesn't it? 

My five years in Long Beach seemed to last a lifetime.  It's so difficult to believe that I've been living back in Bakersfield for almost the same amount of time.

A lot sure does change in five years. Reader's Digest Update: I've been a part of Living Grace church and loving it since I moved home. I have been back to Romania twice and am about to go again. I've had two foot surgeries, and I developed a nerve disease after the second one. I have been teaching full time since shortly after this original blog post (where I complained that I couldn't even get a sub job). I have taught three different grades at three different schools. My mom still has more of a social life than I do. The one friend I mentioned in my first post has since moved. God has given me many people here that I love, but I struggle with not having a group of friends (ok, even really one friend) here that's around my age and life stage that I can just call up for dinner or coffee or a random Target trip. 

This line from my original post really hit me: I knew God wanted me here, and I thought I knew why–I had no idea. That was a difficult realization.

How true that line STILL is. But, isn't that life? Do we ever really know what God is doing?

Take a look back at these few lines: I sit here content–knowing that no matter what my plans and ideas were, my God is Sovereign. His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts. He is good. He is just. He is faithful.

So, God, why am I here?

Sometimes it’s just really hard. I don’t have all the answers; I don’t know all He has planned for me here and now, but I rejoice in the fact that He has a plan, and I consider it a joy when I get to see bits and pieces of that plan fall into place.

Amen to that first paragraph! At that moment, I never imagined that those words would still ring SO true five years later, but RING, RING, RING! 

And sometimes it still IS really hard, and that's ok! I have NO IDEA all that God has for me, but I STILL know that He has a plan. Five years ago I was able to consider it joy when bits and pieces of God's plan was revealed to me. So, I should be overjoyed with all He's done in five years. 

Let's take a brief (ok, I'll try to keep it brief) look:

God has given me the PURE JOY and AMAZINGLY RIDICULOUS CHALLENGE of teaching junior high. It has given me some of my highest highs and my lowest lows. I NEVER wanted to teach junior high (like, EVER!), but God knew it was the perfect place for me, and now I wouldn't change it for anything. I love my job. I adore my kids. I have the most amazing co-workers. I am constantly challenged and stretched and humbled. It's hard and wonderful and scary and FUN. 

I have had the ability to live at home (with the coolest roommate!) and pay off my student loans, travel to some awesome places, experience some incredible things, buy my first car, and have my mom close by when I needed her the most--after my two surgeries. God literally brought me to my knees MULTIPLE times after temporarily taking away my ability to walk. When I had nothing left of myself, I had no choice but to lean on God (browse back through the blog for more entries--starting here-- on that topic). 

I have been blessed with an incredible Bible believing and Bible teaching church. I have learned more in these five years than I have in my whole life combined--no joke. I am excited for what God will continue to teach me and do in the life of this church. 

God sent me back to Romania after a six year Romania drought. I went back in 2012, led a team in 2013, and am going back with Living Grace's pastor, my madre, DeAnn Sampley, and John Penrose next month. God is doing HUGE things in Romania, and I am honored and humbled to be a small part of it. Being in Bakersfield has allowed me to get more involved in this ministry state-side, and I know that I will continue to serve and work in this area (both here and in Romania) for as long as God allows.

(Part of our Romania team in 2012)

Like I mentioned previously, the whole friend thing has been a challenge. I'm sure God is using this time for a purpose, although I can't see it right now. But, like my first blog post proves, God is always working, even when I can't see it or understand it. 

So, what now? WHO THE HECK KNOWS?! Five years later, perhaps I have to end this blog post the same way I ended my first one (although I have to admit that I copy and paste the "excited" part in the first line with a bit of hesitation): 

Above all, I am excited about this time in my life that is not “planned out” for me. I have always known (to some extent) what was next on the agenda of life-–preschool, elementary school, junior high, high school, college-–and now life is one big huge question mark. It’s scary and overwhelming, it’s unknown and I am so unsure, but my God is so sure. This is a time in my life when I can do nothing else but trust in Him.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” -Proverbs 3:5

It isn’t always easy. I don’t always “feel” content. But, God’s peace is so evident, and it blankets  my soul. He is doing a mighty work in me. He is doing a mighty work in those around me. I just hope and pray that I can honor Him with my life, that I can be content no matter my circumstances. I pray that I will always be “steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord [my] labor in not in vain.” (1 Corinthians 15:58)

So here I am, in Bakersfield, striving to embrace what God has for me here and now. I will remain here until He leads me on, and I pray that I will remain faithful to Him and His calling on my life…

…whatever that may be.

...whatever that may be.

Five Year Flashback: My First Ever Blog Post

A while back I stumbled across a blog I started back in 2009. I honestly don't remember starting it or ever posting on it, but...apparently I did....for about a month. It's quite an interesting look back, actually. Too bad I didn't keep up with it. 

I decided to share a few of the posts on here in the coming days and follow them up with reflective type posts. We'll see how it goes... :) 

from September 14, 2009:

I'm Actually Blogging...? 

I never thought I’d actually start a blog–never thought I’d have anything interesting enough to say. That may very well be the case, but nevertheless, here goes nothing… It could work; it could be a good place to sort out my thoughts; it could be a good place for a few of you to keep up on my life here in Bakersfield….

Speaking of which, my life is here now (in Bakersfield) more or less. I moved back at the end of May after being in Long Beach for five years. Strange: when I moved to Long Beach, I couldn’t stand it there, I couldn’t imagine being there for the next four or five years of my life. Never would I have thought that when it came time to leave, tears would flood my eyes and a deep ache would take up residence in my heart. A lot changes in five years. I changed a lot in five years…

But, Bakersfield is where I felt God wanted me to be at that moment. I had my plans and ideas of why I was coming back, and I was content with that. Apparently, God had something completely different in mind. The reasons I thought he was bringing me back were far from the reality of why I sit here now. I thought I would be able to work in town, or sub every day at the least–there are no jobs, sub jobs are far and few between. I thought I’d move back into my house and keep my mom company–she has much more of a social life than me. I thought I’d go back to the church I grew up in and loved–I am now part of a new church plant, out of my comfort zone, and trying to find a place to fit in and serve. I thought I’d reconnect with the old friends that I have still in town–I have one here now.

I knew God wanted me here, and I thought I knew why–I had no idea. That was a difficult realization.

As I try to process through all that, as I struggle with all the change that tornadoes around me, and as my heart still longs for Southern California, I sit here content–knowing that no matter what my plans and ideas were, my God is Sovereign. His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts. He is good. He is just. He is faithful.

So, God, why am I here?

Sometimes it’s just really hard. I don’t have all the answers; I don’t know all He has planned for me here and now, but I rejoice in the fact that He has a plan, and I consider it a joy when I get to see bits and pieces of that plan fall into place.

I am excited about Living Grace, the new church God led me to. I am excited about diving into the word, about meeting new people, about reaching out the community, and about serving the growing youth group. I am excited about connecting with that old friend and deepening our relationship. I am excited about her servant’s heart and being able to serve alongside her in our city. I am excited about the few sub jobs that I am blessed with, the experience I am gaining, the overwhelming challenge subbing can present, and the flexible schedule I have. I am excited about the down time I have here, the opportunities to sit back and read, write, and create because of the lack of constant social interaction. I am excited about the precious opportunities I have to travel down south and further cultivate the dear friendships I have down there.

Above all, I am excited about this time in my life that is not “planned out” for me. I have always known (to some extent) what was next on the agenda of life–preschool, elementary school, junior high, high school, college–and now life is one big huge question mark. It’s scary and overwhelming, it’s unknown and I am so unsure, but my God is so sure. This is a time in my life when I can do nothing else but trust in Him.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” -Proverbs 3:5

It isn’t always easy. I don’t always “feel” content. But, God’s peace is so evident, and it blankets  my soul. He is doing a mighty work in me. He is doing a mighty work in those around me. I just hope and pray that I can honor Him with my life, that I can be content no matter my circumstances. I pray that I will always be “steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord [my] labor in not in vain.” (1 Corinthians 15:58)

So here I am, in Bakersfield, striving to embrace what God has for me here and now. I will remain here until He leads me on, and I pray that I will remain faithful to Him and His calling on my life…

…whatever that may be.

(One of my many trips down south in the fall of 2009)

:::Stay tuned for my thoughts on my first ever blog pose.:::

Make Me Broken

Have you ever prayed that prayer? 

It's not a natural cry.

It doesn't seem to flow easily from our human hearts. 

It's terrifying, really. 

Terrifying...yet completely and purely sweet. 


This song by Sidewalk Prophets has been on repeat on my iPhone and in my mind lately...

"Keep Making Me"

Make me broken

So I can be healed

'Cause I'm so calloused

And now I can't feel

I want to run to You

With heart wide open

Make me broken

Make me empty

So I can be filled

'Cause I'm still holding

Onto my will

And I'm completed

When you are with me

Make me empty

[Chorus:]

'Til You are my one desire

'Til You are my one true love

'Til You are my breath, my everything

Lord, please keep making me

Make me lonely

So I can be Yours

'Til I want no one

More than You, Lord

'Cause in the darkness

I know You will hold me

Make me lonely

[Chorus]

'Til You are my one desire

'Til You are my one true love

'Til You are my breath, my everything

Lord, please keep making,

I know You'll keep making

Lord, please keep making me

I so desperately want this to be my prayer. 

I so want this to be my heart. 

Every word of this song is what I've been battling with for days, months, YEARS. 

My God, please keep making me... 

"But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. I cried aloud to the LORD, and he answered me from his holy hill."     ~Psalm 3:3-4