Friday, May 16, 2014

Reflections on Psalm 109 and God's Sovereignty

If you missed my original Five Year Flashback post on Psalm 109 and God's Sovereignty, click here.

But you, O Sovereign LORD, deal well with me for your name’s sake; out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.

Although I often don't understand it at the time (or years later!), God always delivers me for his name's sake. His love is good. His love is real.

When I wrote the original post, I had just begun subbing. It was challenging to say the least,  but I was grateful to be working. I thought for sure that that is what God had planned for me (at least for a year).

Boy, was I wrong! (Isn't that usually how it goes?!)

Shortly after that post, I was hired by BCSD (Bakersfield City School District) to teach 6th grade ELA and history. Since then I have taught three different grade levels in three different schools. At this point, I am finishing up my third year at my third school (how amazing it has been to be in one place for a few years!).

To quote my original post: My God is wise and good and faithful–He is Sovereign and His plans are good. Good thing too–because if I had my way, I’d no doubt screw it all up. Like I wrote previously, I had plans of my own. Thank you God for not allowing me to follow my own plan. Thank you for being the Lord of my life and granting me wisdom, discretion, and peace. How sweet is your peace…

God knew. God knew EXACTLY what was next for me. It wasn't always easy. It ISN'T always easy. But, I ADORE my students, and I LOVE my job. As exhausted as I am, I honestly can't imagine saying goodbye to my kids (and "see you later") to my coworkers in just under two weeks.

As the years go on, teaching has gotten a bit easier. I am more comfortable. I know a bit more of what I'm doing and how to relate to my students. However, self confidence is always something with which I've struggled. I was talking to a good friend about this not too long ago, and this friend's response was, "Well, maybe that's God's way of keeping you humble and in need of Him." My first thoughts? Doubt it. Not two days later I read this from my original post:

Confidence in myself is something I really struggle with. But, what an amazing thing that is. If I don’t have confidence in myself, I have to look elsewhere–to God. He has done well to keep me humble by having me struggle with confidence. He makes sure that as I stand up in front of a classroom of budding minds, He is there with me, guiding me, directing me, teaching and loving through me. Those kids don’t need me and my love–they need God. I am so grateful He allows me to be an instrument for Him. May I never get completely comfortable, may I never fully rely on myself, may I never think that I’m all that my students need…I’m far from it.
Nothing like slapping yourself in the face (figuratively, of course)
What a good reminder as I wrap up this school year and try to use every moment to love on and inspire my kids....
What a good reminder as I pack up and head half way across the world to love on some kids in Romania... 
They need HIM, not me. 

Finally, although I love my job, and although I'm certainly loving life right now, there is always a part of me that wonders what is next. What else does God have for me? This certainly isn't how I imagined my life would be when I wrote that post five years ago. Yet, the end of that last post is a good (face-slapping) reminder....
There are still lots of uncertainties about living here now. So much of my future is unclear. But, I stand on the promise that my God is faithful and my God is Sovereign. Why should I doubt? Why do I continue to doubt? My God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He has a plan for His name’s sake, not mine. May my life be lived for His glory, never my own. My plans are futile; His are perfect.
Why wouldn’t I trust in perfect?

God knows. God knows EXACTLY what was next for me. 

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