Thursday, May 15, 2014

Five Year Flashback: Psalm 109:21 and God's Sovereignty

Here is another blog post from FIVE years ago. To check out my first one, click here. 

September 19, 2009 at 12:09 am  
But you, O Sovereign LORD, deal well with me for your name’s sake; out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.
My God is Sovereign. He deals well with me, for His name’s sake. I praise God for that–for His Sovereignty, His goodness, faithfulness, justice, and provision. I could go on and on about the characteristics of God. I have been reading through the Old Testament and it’s been amazing to learn more about God’s character and His Sovereignty. He had a plan when He created the universe, when he decimated the earth in the flood, when He brought forth Israel out of Egypt, and when He created me. My God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
The God who (literally) woke me up this morning (my alarm clock certainly didn’t) is the same God that spoke to Moses in the burning bush. Wow….plain and simple.
My God is wise and good and faithful–He is Sovereign and His plans are good.
Good thing too–because if I had my way, I’d no doubt screw it all up. Like I wrote previously, I had plans of my own. Thank you God for not allowing me to follow my own plan. Thank you for being the Lord of my life and granting me wisdom, discretion, and peace. How sweet is your peace…
It’s a miracle watching God work. He does it constantly, but how often do we stop to notice it? I won’t go into elaborate detail, but the new subbing system in the district I came home to work for is quite different this year because of all the budget cuts. I thought I would hardly be able to work, and I was at a loss for what I was to do. However, as it turns out, with the way the system is working (and all the wonderful secretaries I know that have put me on preferred lists), I’ve subbed every day for the last six days and I have sub jobs already lined up for next week and a couple into October. God knew exactly what He was doing when He brought me here and He IS providing for me–in ways I would have never expected.
As a matter of fact, I was actually terrified to start subbing. I didn’t sleep at all the night before my first job. I was shaking the morning I left to drive to the school. Confidence in myself is something I really struggle with. But, what an amazing thing that is. If I don’t have confidence in myself, I have to look elsewhere–to God. He has done well to keep me humble by having me struggle with confidence. He makes sure that as I stand up in front of a classroom of budding minds, He is there with me, guiding me, directing me, teaching and loving through me. Those kids don’t need me and my love–they need God. I am so grateful He allows me to be an instrument for Him. May I never get completely comfortable, may I never fully rely on myself, may I never think that I’m all that my students need…I’m far from it.
Subbing isn’t always easy. I don’t like not knowing from day to day whether I’ll work or not. I want to hit my alarm clock some mornings, and I’m so glad when Friday rolls around; yet, I’m working, and I must praise God for that! I am gaining so much experience, and I pray that I am at least making a slight impact on a life here and there.
There are still lots of uncertainties about living here now. So much of my future is unclear. But, I stand on the promise that my God is faithful and my God is Sovereign. Why should I doubt? Why do I continue to doubt? My God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He has a plan for His name’s sake, not mine. May my life be lived for His glory, never my own. My plans are futile; His are perfect.
Why wouldn’t I trust in perfect?

But you, O Sovereign LORD, deal well with me for your name’s sake; out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.

Stay tuned for my reflections on this blog post and how things have changed (or not) in the last five years. 

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