...In My Weakness

As those of you who know me can attest to, I'm not a huge fan of change or transition...

...with the rare exception of the change being brought on by myself (like moving classrooms this last summer).

School ending and school starting are no exception. I get so attached to my kids (for the most part) and so comfortable in my routine, that I don't know how to "snap out of it" when summer arrives. It takes some time for me to relearn how to manage my days away from the classroom.

Then as school approaches, I am always a bit anxious to meet my new kids--always wishing (at first) to have my old kids back. What can I say? ...I like what I know. It takes some time for me to get to know my new kids, get used to my school routine, and adjust to a new year. 

Last year I went through this crazy transition with a cast on my leg, on a scooter, with a CRPS diagnosis following shortly thereafter. No big deal, right? Wrong. I was kind of a wreck for a while, but I got through it and LOVED the year I had with my kids. 

This year, I didn't even get to start the school year because I was serving on a jury for a human trafficking case. (If you'd like to read about the case, click here for the article in the Bakersfield Californian.) It was so strange not starting the school year. I didn't get to meet our new staff members, I didn't get to be at school when the students got their schedules and walked around, and I missed the entire first week (plus one day) of the year. Talk about strange. 

When the trial ended on Monday, and I was finally able to talk about the case, I was basically sick all night. My stomach was a wreck, my CRPS was flaring up like it hadn't in a long time, and my brain was reeling. I had suppressed the details on the case for so long, that it all came tumbling down at once. My brain hurt. My heart hurt. Not to mention the fact that I had to go "teach" the next day. 

I couldn't sleep much Monday night. I couldn't get the trial or school or Back to School Night out of my head. 

When Tuesday rolled around and I was "back to school," I felt like a substitute all day. I was in a new classroom. I didn't know the kids. And, I certainly didn't have a grasp on what I was doing. ....and I thought starting the school year in a cast was strange. 

As of this weekend, I have taught four full days and survived Back to School Night. Each day gets a little easier. I'm sleeping better. The images I have while trying to fall asleep and the dreams I've had are diminishing. I know soon I will fall into a routine. I'll start getting to know my kids and becoming attached to them (as I always do).

The transition period will soon slip into normal (I am seriously looking forward to normal), and I'll once again be able to say that God carried me through another difficult transition period--another tough change. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Because, you see, that is what this is all about. I'm human. I'm a sinner. I hate change. With God's help, I'm working on being present each day. I'm working on rejoicing in each day that He blesses me with, no matter the challenge before me. 

He has ALWAYS carried me through in the past, and He will ALWAYS carry me through in the future.

It's not easy to end a school year or start a new one, especially in a cast or on a jury, but I know that God's strength is made perfect in my weakness, and He has showed me that once again this last week. And, I know, being human and a sinner, I will forget. Yet, in His mercy, God will continue to show me His faithfulness as He promises to walk beside me, guide me, and never leave me. 

This is good news, folks, because I certainly wouldn't be able to do this alone!