Here is another poem from quite a few years back. It seems appropriate for a day like today...
Child
I gave you
The tears to cry
So I'll catch them
When they fall
They parallel mine
Gracing your cheek
I hear your call
Your heart breaking
Piece by piece
Mine crumbles too
Can you believe me
When I say
Child, I love you
(November 18, 2007)
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Thoughts on "Someday"
Yesterday I posted a poem that I wrote over three years ago--October of '08--Someday.
During October of 2008, I was:
*finishing my credential classes and preparing to student teach
*working in the student union at CSULB (and not loving it)
*living in an apartment in LB with Jess and Christina
*involved in the Bethany college group
*enjoying some Dodger games with friends
*seeing WICKED (twice in one month)
*enjoying Disneyland regularly
*finishing up one chapter of my life
*preparing for a chapter unknown...
In October of 2008, I didn't know if I would stay in Long Beach after graduation or move back to Bakersfield. I didn't know if I would find a teaching job anywhere or even be able to sub. I had no idea what my future held.
But I did know one thing: I desired to get married and have a family someday.
When the world around me was so unsure, my heart spoke the words of Someday into my hands.
I can honestly say that in October of 2008, if asked where I thought I'd be in January of 2012, I would have never answered teaching at Warren Junior High and living at home with my mom.
Yet, here I am, and I am content. Of course my heart still desires to get married and start a family. Growing up, I never thought I'd be 26 and single, but I am, and I'm fine. I know whole heartedly that my God is sovereign. His ways are definitely not my ways, and His thoughts are not my thoughts. He knows me far better than I know myself. He holds my future and my present in His hands.
He is giving me so many amazing experiences that I'm sure I would not have had if I would have married young and started a family right away--traveling to Europe, riding in a helicopter into the Grand Canyon, flying a helicopter, going in a hot air balloon, and traveling to the East Coast to name a few.
I praise God for His perfect plan. I praise God for the future He has for me. I praise God for helping me to enjoy this time of my life as I wait for what may come.
I praise my God for my someday....
During October of 2008, I was:
*finishing my credential classes and preparing to student teach
*working in the student union at CSULB (and not loving it)
*living in an apartment in LB with Jess and Christina
*involved in the Bethany college group
*enjoying some Dodger games with friends
*seeing WICKED (twice in one month)
*enjoying Disneyland regularly
*finishing up one chapter of my life
*preparing for a chapter unknown...
In October of 2008, I didn't know if I would stay in Long Beach after graduation or move back to Bakersfield. I didn't know if I would find a teaching job anywhere or even be able to sub. I had no idea what my future held.
But I did know one thing: I desired to get married and have a family someday.
When the world around me was so unsure, my heart spoke the words of Someday into my hands.
I can honestly say that in October of 2008, if asked where I thought I'd be in January of 2012, I would have never answered teaching at Warren Junior High and living at home with my mom.
Yet, here I am, and I am content. Of course my heart still desires to get married and start a family. Growing up, I never thought I'd be 26 and single, but I am, and I'm fine. I know whole heartedly that my God is sovereign. His ways are definitely not my ways, and His thoughts are not my thoughts. He knows me far better than I know myself. He holds my future and my present in His hands.
He is giving me so many amazing experiences that I'm sure I would not have had if I would have married young and started a family right away--traveling to Europe, riding in a helicopter into the Grand Canyon, flying a helicopter, going in a hot air balloon, and traveling to the East Coast to name a few.
I praise God for His perfect plan. I praise God for the future He has for me. I praise God for helping me to enjoy this time of my life as I wait for what may come.
I praise my God for my someday....
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Someday
(I came across my old poetry notebook tonight. I thought I'd share a few of my old poems on the blog.)
Someday
I want to love you more
Each moment of each passing day
As I watch you turn my skies
To blue from deepest grey
I want to cling to your hand
As you hold onto my heart
I want to ache deeply inside
Each moment we're apart
I want to learn to trust you
As easily as I breathe
I want to love and laugh with you
With you I want to dream
I want to become your beloved wife
Your confidant and your best friend
I want to build a life with you
That only death may end
For I know God's plan is perfect
Though it's mixed with joy and tears
We will have trials and victories
As we serve Him through the years
I want to see our Savior
Each time I look at you
Knowing that His strength is always
Sufficient to see us through
So I pray that God will hold these hopes
As we travel our separate ways
And prepare our hearts for this great journey
Until we meet someday
(October 6, 2008)
Someday
I want to love you more
Each moment of each passing day
As I watch you turn my skies
To blue from deepest grey
I want to cling to your hand
As you hold onto my heart
I want to ache deeply inside
Each moment we're apart
I want to learn to trust you
As easily as I breathe
I want to love and laugh with you
With you I want to dream
I want to become your beloved wife
Your confidant and your best friend
I want to build a life with you
That only death may end
For I know God's plan is perfect
Though it's mixed with joy and tears
We will have trials and victories
As we serve Him through the years
I want to see our Savior
Each time I look at you
Knowing that His strength is always
Sufficient to see us through
So I pray that God will hold these hopes
As we travel our separate ways
And prepare our hearts for this great journey
Until we meet someday
(October 6, 2008)
Sunday, January 8, 2012
When I Grow Up, I Want to Be...
When I was asked this question as a child, I gave many different answers. Here are a few in alphabetical order (because I can't figure out their order of importance):
Actress
Ambassador
Astronaut
News anchor
Pilot
Teacher
How did these dreams and aspirations originate? Well, they say I was a bit dramatic (actress); I wanted to travel and see the world (ambassador--although I'm not even sure how I knew what an ambassador was as a child. It was probably all that news and 20/20 I watched); I loved learning about space (astronaut); the news was my favorite TV show (news anchor); I love(d) being up in the sky (pilot); and my mom was a teacher (teacher).
I sometimes wonder how teacher won out. At first glance, it seems like the least exciting profession listed above, and it was never at the top of my list growing up--it was just what I always knew. I know I decided against actress and news caster because I am quite competitive by nature. These careers are all about competition, and I didn't want to fail. I decided a life of trying and failing or trying harder and harder to get ahead wasn't for me. This isn't to say that I couldn't have done it, but God led my heart away from it (and I was never a great actress--let's me honest). I certainly admire those that are actors and news anchors--those that toughed it out and succeeded. The ambassador route was never taken seriously because I didn't really know what they did or how to go about becoming one. During high school, I realized that science wasn't my strength, so I ruled out pilot and astronaut. It seems as if teacher won by process of elimination.
Ultimately, I know that it was God's sovereignty that led me into this profession. It was His spirit that led my heart to choose this path as opposed to another, but I still sometimes wonder how my life would be different had I chosen a different career path.
I still look at that list with an element of longing. They are still the dreams of my childhood...
Fortunately, I have gotten a slight taste of what some of these careers may have been like:
Actress: I did it in high school and loved it. I act in front of my students every single day. That'll have to do.
News anchor: I did get to be on the news a few times, and I had a blast (but I've been told to stick with my day job).
Pilot: I do get to fly a helicopter sometime soon. I'll keep you posted on how I like it. :)
Now if only I could get a taste of what being an ambassador or an astronaut would be like, my childhood dreams would be fulfilled. :)
And who knows, maybe God has something else lined up for my future! I'll do the very best I can with where He has me now, and keep my mind and heart open to His plans for my future.
What were your dreams as a child?? Answer this question for me: When you grow up, what do you want to be???
Actress
Ambassador
Astronaut
News anchor
Pilot
Teacher
How did these dreams and aspirations originate? Well, they say I was a bit dramatic (actress); I wanted to travel and see the world (ambassador--although I'm not even sure how I knew what an ambassador was as a child. It was probably all that news and 20/20 I watched); I loved learning about space (astronaut); the news was my favorite TV show (news anchor); I love(d) being up in the sky (pilot); and my mom was a teacher (teacher).
I sometimes wonder how teacher won out. At first glance, it seems like the least exciting profession listed above, and it was never at the top of my list growing up--it was just what I always knew. I know I decided against actress and news caster because I am quite competitive by nature. These careers are all about competition, and I didn't want to fail. I decided a life of trying and failing or trying harder and harder to get ahead wasn't for me. This isn't to say that I couldn't have done it, but God led my heart away from it (and I was never a great actress--let's me honest). I certainly admire those that are actors and news anchors--those that toughed it out and succeeded. The ambassador route was never taken seriously because I didn't really know what they did or how to go about becoming one. During high school, I realized that science wasn't my strength, so I ruled out pilot and astronaut. It seems as if teacher won by process of elimination.
Ultimately, I know that it was God's sovereignty that led me into this profession. It was His spirit that led my heart to choose this path as opposed to another, but I still sometimes wonder how my life would be different had I chosen a different career path.
I still look at that list with an element of longing. They are still the dreams of my childhood...
Fortunately, I have gotten a slight taste of what some of these careers may have been like:
Actress: I did it in high school and loved it. I act in front of my students every single day. That'll have to do.
Pilot: I do get to fly a helicopter sometime soon. I'll keep you posted on how I like it. :)
Now if only I could get a taste of what being an ambassador or an astronaut would be like, my childhood dreams would be fulfilled. :)
And who knows, maybe God has something else lined up for my future! I'll do the very best I can with where He has me now, and keep my mind and heart open to His plans for my future.
What were your dreams as a child?? Answer this question for me: When you grow up, what do you want to be???
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Top 11 of 2011
In thinking back through last year (and honestly searching through the blog and Facebook to try to remember all of last year), I created a top 11 list.
The following are my top 11 experiences from 2011(kind of in order, but not really):
11. Leaving Thompson and going to Warren.
Although I wasn't happy about it at first, and although it's not always easy, I have learned a lot about myself and God's provision through the move. You can read more about my heart toward the move initially here., packing up my old classroom here, moving day here, setting up the new room here, and the room really getting put together here. Obviously, this was a big part of my year last year. :)
10. Traveling to Europe on VACATION!
I had been to Europe a few times prior to last summer, but never just for fun. You can check out all of my European Adventures beginning here. And if you're really bored, there's plenty more where that came from!
9. Getting to see Nicole three times in one year.
Nicole lives too far away. First, she lived all the way in Georgia. Now, she lives all the way in stinkin' England. But, I was fortunate enough to be able to see her three times this year--far more than I did when she lived in Georgia. The first visitation happened in England beginning here!
8. Planking on top of the Eiffel Tower.
Planking is awesome. The Eiffel Tower is awesome. I got to plank on the top of the Eiffel Tower--I must be awesome. :) Here is the post and picture of that awesomeness!
7. Not going to Ireland.
Ok, this may not seem like a "highlight," and I'm still bummed that we didn't get to go, but it sure made for one great memory! PLEASE please read the story here. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll wish you were there to not make it to Ireland with us. "N as in NEVER GOING TO GET TO IRELAND AT THIS RATE!"
6. Meeting Brian Regan!
Getting to meet my favorite comedian was an unforgettable experience. He is so down to earth and so stinking funny!
5. Two new cousins and a new step-nephew being born.
I love these three so much. I am so blessed that they are now a part of my life. I can't wait to watch them grow up and change. Read about my amazing little cousins here.
4. Learning more and growing closer to God.
It's my goal now each year to read the whole Bible. I never want this to become a check off to-do list activity. but a discipline. From this (and from my incredible church and home group), I have learned more about my God and who I am in Him. I pray for an even deeper relationship this upcoming year. Here is just one example of this...
3. Getting to be on TV!
My mom and I got to be on Eyewitness news toward the end of last year. Cambi Brown and Sean Collins came to our house and installed a CO detector. Although we had to wake up super early, we had a blast. And, we made a new friend. Cambi, you're the best! Here's the whole story (and a clip!).
2. Buying my first car.
I feel like such a big girl now. I have my very own car. Josie is great. Please read more about her here!
1. Riding a helicopter into the Grand Canyon.
One of the most amazing things I have EVER done! I can't even describe it to you. I can't wait to actually fly a helicopter on my own!!! Read more about my adventure HERE!
And here's to hoping that 2012 will have more than 12 amazing adventures ahead! Cheers!
The following are my top 11 experiences from 2011(kind of in order, but not really):
11. Leaving Thompson and going to Warren.
Although I wasn't happy about it at first, and although it's not always easy, I have learned a lot about myself and God's provision through the move. You can read more about my heart toward the move initially here., packing up my old classroom here, moving day here, setting up the new room here, and the room really getting put together here. Obviously, this was a big part of my year last year. :)
10. Traveling to Europe on VACATION!
I had been to Europe a few times prior to last summer, but never just for fun. You can check out all of my European Adventures beginning here. And if you're really bored, there's plenty more where that came from!
9. Getting to see Nicole three times in one year.
Nicole lives too far away. First, she lived all the way in Georgia. Now, she lives all the way in stinkin' England. But, I was fortunate enough to be able to see her three times this year--far more than I did when she lived in Georgia. The first visitation happened in England beginning here!
8. Planking on top of the Eiffel Tower.
Planking is awesome. The Eiffel Tower is awesome. I got to plank on the top of the Eiffel Tower--I must be awesome. :) Here is the post and picture of that awesomeness!
7. Not going to Ireland.
Ok, this may not seem like a "highlight," and I'm still bummed that we didn't get to go, but it sure made for one great memory! PLEASE please read the story here. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll wish you were there to not make it to Ireland with us. "N as in NEVER GOING TO GET TO IRELAND AT THIS RATE!"
6. Meeting Brian Regan!
Getting to meet my favorite comedian was an unforgettable experience. He is so down to earth and so stinking funny!
I didn't blog back when I met Brian Regan, so here's a picture for you!
5. Two new cousins and a new step-nephew being born.
I love these three so much. I am so blessed that they are now a part of my life. I can't wait to watch them grow up and change. Read about my amazing little cousins here.
4. Learning more and growing closer to God.
It's my goal now each year to read the whole Bible. I never want this to become a check off to-do list activity. but a discipline. From this (and from my incredible church and home group), I have learned more about my God and who I am in Him. I pray for an even deeper relationship this upcoming year. Here is just one example of this...
3. Getting to be on TV!
My mom and I got to be on Eyewitness news toward the end of last year. Cambi Brown and Sean Collins came to our house and installed a CO detector. Although we had to wake up super early, we had a blast. And, we made a new friend. Cambi, you're the best! Here's the whole story (and a clip!).
2. Buying my first car.
I feel like such a big girl now. I have my very own car. Josie is great. Please read more about her here!
1. Riding a helicopter into the Grand Canyon.
One of the most amazing things I have EVER done! I can't even describe it to you. I can't wait to actually fly a helicopter on my own!!! Read more about my adventure HERE!
And here's to hoping that 2012 will have more than 12 amazing adventures ahead! Cheers!
Monday, January 2, 2012
No Word Wonder! (I was on TV again!)
Remember a while back when my mama and I were on the news? I was a one word wonder that day. You can check to see a refresher here if you've forgotten. :)
Well, last Saturday, we had lunch with Aaron Perlman and Cambi Brown after church (yes, church was on Saturday this last weekend), and Mom asked if they'd give us a tour of the news room some day. She shared with them my childhood (or maybe ongoing) obsession with the news, how my neighbor and I used to play newscaster, and how my favorite show was always the news. (Still no idea why, people, but it's true).
They invited us to come this morning and sit in the "studio audience." When we got to the studio, Aaron showed us around and then sat us in the "audience" (two chairs just off to the side from the news desk). It may seem like no big deal to them, but we loved it! It's so neat to see how it all works and comes together.
Then, during one of Aaron's weather segments, he called me over to do the weather with him--yes, it was that impromptu. I looked quite silly (it's really harder than it looks!), but it was lots of fun. I stood in front of the green screen and kept pointing the wrong way to things (everything is flipped over there), and of course I didn't have a mic, so I just stood and laughed and pointed--not my best work. I guess it's better that I stick to teaching and let Aaron handle the weather. He's great at it.
Here's a little video clip that I rigged up (I videoed the clip playing back on the DVR on our TV with my phone and uploaded it on here). The sound isn't that great, but you can see me pointing like a madwoman. :)
After the news ended, Mom and I climbed up in the chairs and played "news anchor."
Well, last Saturday, we had lunch with Aaron Perlman and Cambi Brown after church (yes, church was on Saturday this last weekend), and Mom asked if they'd give us a tour of the news room some day. She shared with them my childhood (or maybe ongoing) obsession with the news, how my neighbor and I used to play newscaster, and how my favorite show was always the news. (Still no idea why, people, but it's true).
They invited us to come this morning and sit in the "studio audience." When we got to the studio, Aaron showed us around and then sat us in the "audience" (two chairs just off to the side from the news desk). It may seem like no big deal to them, but we loved it! It's so neat to see how it all works and comes together.
Then, during one of Aaron's weather segments, he called me over to do the weather with him--yes, it was that impromptu. I looked quite silly (it's really harder than it looks!), but it was lots of fun. I stood in front of the green screen and kept pointing the wrong way to things (everything is flipped over there), and of course I didn't have a mic, so I just stood and laughed and pointed--not my best work. I guess it's better that I stick to teaching and let Aaron handle the weather. He's great at it.
Here's a little video clip that I rigged up (I videoed the clip playing back on the DVR on our TV with my phone and uploaded it on here). The sound isn't that great, but you can see me pointing like a madwoman. :)
After the news ended, Mom and I climbed up in the chairs and played "news anchor."
Me slightly giddy!
We are "reporting" some serious news! (or trying to look serious)
So cool!
Thanks Eyewitness News for letting us crash the newsroom today. We had a blast!
Monday, December 26, 2011
What's YOUR Love Language?
Sorry that I haven't posted anything in a while--December is a crazy month of birthdays, trips, school, Christmas, packing, etc. etc. etc.
Because my birthday and Christmas fall in the same month, it's often a time that I am showered with gifts (rough, huh?). This can either leave me feeling overwhelmingly loved or slightly unnerved (not sure if that's the right word, but we'll go with it for now).
Receiving gifts has always left me with these two very drastic emotions, and I never really understand why until recently. Receiving gifts is my love language.
When I learned this, I struggled with it for quite some time. Admitting it made me feel materialistic or shallow; however, that's not at all how God created me to be. I began to understand my heart and my love language more when I read The Five Love Languages and took the quiz. Here are my results:
Because my birthday and Christmas fall in the same month, it's often a time that I am showered with gifts (rough, huh?). This can either leave me feeling overwhelmingly loved or slightly unnerved (not sure if that's the right word, but we'll go with it for now).
Receiving gifts has always left me with these two very drastic emotions, and I never really understand why until recently. Receiving gifts is my love language.
When I learned this, I struggled with it for quite some time. Admitting it made me feel materialistic or shallow; however, that's not at all how God created me to be. I began to understand my heart and my love language more when I read The Five Love Languages and took the quiz. Here are my results:
Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Thanks Gary Chapman for summing up a huge piece of my heart into one paragraph. This is why I absolutely love giving gifts. This is why I pour my heart into the gifts I give--because that's how I show my love and thoughtfulness.
Of course, this isn't the only way I receive love (and it's not the only way that I give love), but it's definitely at the top.
I'd love to know what your love language is. How can I love you more completely? Take the quiz HERE and let me know what your results are!
I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas!
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