Top 12 of 2012!

Last year I created a Top 11 of 2011 list, so I thought I should carry on the tradition. As I sat pondering my year last night, the first things that came to mind were the low lows, the struggles, the valleys--and isn't that usually the case? It was a nice wake-up call to search back through my calendar and the blog to compile a top 12 list. Although 2012 was filled with some quite difficult times, it also held some amazing highs. Here is the list (in the order in which the events occurred):

1. Scotty and Polly got engaged! I am so excited to welcome Polly into our family. I couldn't ask for a better sister-in-law. March 9th is just around the corner! Read about their engagement here!

2. Hot air balloon ride in Temecula. Mama and I got to take a hot air balloon ride for her birthday. It was incredible. Read about it and see the pictures here!

3. Segs on the beach! The same weekend of the hot air balloon adventure, Mama and I got to ride segways on the beach in Huntington. AWESOME! Read about that craziness here! 

4. Romania. I got to go back after six years; I met some of the most incredible people; I grew very close to those people in a very short time (read about them here!); and I got to love on and experience some of the most precious children that God has placed on this earth. Here is a poem that I wrote after my return. 

5. Washington D.C.--how can I even put this trip into words? I absolutely loved it--the history, the beauty, the people, the cupcakes. You can read about about my DC adventures HERE, HERE, and HERE!!!!

6. New York--be still my heart. At first, I wasn't a fan of NY (mainly because I loved DC so much), but it grew on me, and I LOVED it. How can you not love staying in the heart of Times Square, seeing four amazing shows, sightseeing for days, and incredible food? Yes, please. Read more about those adventures HERE and HERE! 

7. The OLYMPICS!!!! I'm obsessed. Seriously. You can read about my obsession here. I LOVED every minute of it. And yes, I watched just about every minute of it. That's what happens when you're stuck on the couch after foot surgery. The women's gymnasts did a phenomenal job. LOVE! I'm just bummed I have to wait four more years for the next round of summer games. 

8. Moving to 8th Grade! I taught 7th and 8th grade at Thompson, and I LOVED 8th grade. I was a bit bummed to be moved to Warren with only 7th graders. BUT, this year I got to move up to 8th grade, and it has been AWESOME. I love the curriculum, I love the "maturity" (in comparison to 7th grade) of the kids, and I absolutely adore the ladies I work with. It's been a great move. 

9. Winning tickets to the CIRCUS! I had always wanted to go to the circus. I never went as a child, and each year it's come into town as an adult I have put my fake whiny voice on and begged my Mommy to take me. It never happened. UNTIL, I WON tickets to the circus. Seriously, I had never won anything in my life. I was SHOCKED! I still wasn't walking, so I wheeled myself into the handicap area and enjoyed myself some circus. It was AWESOME. Read more about it here! 

10. Walking again. If you've been following the blog at all, you've read about my adventures in not walking, thinking I may not walk again, and then learning how to walk again. Praise the Lord! It hasn't been an easy process, but He's brought me SO far! Read about the start of my walking again here. 

11. Spending time with James and Faith. My two college roommates, who happen to also be the dearest of friends, both had babies in 2012. I can't even describe how proud I am of them and how much I love their precious babies (and them of course). 

12. Winning Disneyland tickets/Burfday Extravaganza! Remember how I said I never won anything? Apparently this year changed all that. I also won Dland tickets! Talk about being SHOCKED! So, we went for my birthday weekend. It was AMAZING. My mama also surprised me on my actual birthday by inviting the Gruebers to have birthday dinner with us. It was super special. Read all about that weekend here! 

So, 2012 certainly was a memorable year. Here's to hoping 2013 will be as well! 

My First Thoughts: 12/14/12

My first thoughts this morning: There are no words…

….yet a million flooded my mind at the same time.

sick
devastated
confused
angry
hurt
burdened

Questions seeped in, demanding answers:

Why?
Why them and not us?
What could have possibly been going through his mind?
Why is he dead—free from having to face the devastation he caused, free from having to face the families he destroyed?
Why those precious babies?
Why those families?
Why?

I know many people are asking the question that has been asked for centuries—every time a tragedy strikes: How could God let this happen?

Sin.
It’s a sick, sick thing.
It’s not God’s fault.
We can’t blame God for letting this happen.
If anything, we must blame man for his sin.

Romans 3:23—for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

In times like this, we should run to our God and cling to Him, not dwell on questioning Him.

Romans 6:23—for the wages of sin is death, BUT the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Although we are stunned, shocked, wracked with tears, angry, and devastated, we can cling to the hope we have in Jesus Christ. And, we can pray—for the families affected (including the gunman’s family--whatever is left of it), for the school, for the community, and for the sweet babies who have seen far more than their little eyes ever should. We can pray that beauty will come from these ashes. We can pray that God will work even this out for the good of those who love Him. We can pray that His name will be glorified somehow in this tragedy.



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As I looked out at my kids earlier today—my kids who, at that moment, had no idea what had transpired this morning— my heart absolutely broke.

What if it was us?
What if I had lost one of them?

As crazy as some of them make me, I would be crushed if anything happened to one of them. In times like this, I find that I become quite protective, and the fierce love I hold for my kids is recognized once again. I guess it’s a good reminder to always be grateful for what I have… a reminder to love those in my life... while they are still in my life.

We never know when someone might be taken from us.

I don’t know what I would do if it happened at our school, in our town. I just pray to God that I’ll never have to know.

I am saddened that my kids have to grow up in a society with so much violence. I hate that their lives are filled with such graphic video games, horrible movies, and disgusting television…..and, I suppose I should add school shootings to the list….

Their innocence is lost all too soon these days.

So, I’ll try to preserve what innocence I can. I’ll try to love them and teach them as well as I can while they are in my care. I’ll pray that they never have to face tragedy like that which befell Connecticut today.


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In the midst of this tragedy, I find myself thankful...

...for a staff that can come together after school and pray for the people affected today.

...for the flag that was lowered to half mast at Wal-Mart.

...for the little ones that are in my life (I'm wishing I could hold them and hug them right now).

...that I am entrusted to care for and teach other people's children every day.

...that I have a God that is so much bigger than this.

...that I have hope in Christ amidst devastation.

...that Jesus KNOWS: "Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows." -Isaiah 53:4

AH--MA--ZING!!!!

Maybe I've been living under a rock, but I just heard this amazing group today on the Katie Couric show. I just had to share them with you all. 

If you haven't already, meet the Pentatonix! They are simply INCREDIBLE. I don't need to say anything else but ENJOY!

Their Christmas album is unbelievable. Get it. Now. Seriously. What are you waiting for?

This is also amazing, but hilarious as well. Hope you love it!

Quite Like, Rather Dislike: Health Edition

Quite Like:

THE NEW PAIN DOC--Many of you remember this post about the last pain doc that I had to kick to the curb. Well, I moved on and found another guy in town who was actually willing to listen to me. I saw him about a week and a half ago, and, although I had to wait forever to see him, I was quite pleased with the amount of time he spent with me. I told him I didn't want a nerve block, and he didn't push it. He said he'd only insist on one if the CRPS moved up my leg. Ok, deal. He did, however, up my dose of Lyrica (since I wouldn't do a nerve block). No big deal--except the side effects are sleepiness, dizziness, and weight gain. A girl's favorite things, right? Fortunately, the sleepiness and dizziness haven't seemed to effect me too much. But, if I suddenly blimp up, let's blame it on the meds and not the holidays. Deal?

LYRICA--So far, I must place it in the like category. However, if the side effects flare up, it'll be moved down below. My right foot still turns red if I walk too much, but the purple has lessened some and the burning seems to be getting a bit better. AND (this is perhaps the best news of all) I can now pop my big toe without excruciating pain! If you know me, you know I love to crack all of my fingers and toes. After my surgery, I could hardly bend my toes. Eventually, I could move the toes on my right foot enough to get a good crack, but if I so much as moved my big toe in a funny way, I'd start to sweat. But, just this last weekend, I was able to successfully crack it for the first time. Sweet relief! 

Rather Dislike:

PNEUMONIA--It's not a good time. Last Tuesday, in the time it took to drive from physical therapy to home, I felt like a train had hit me. I powered through Wednesday, stayed home Thursday, but powered through Friday (not a good choice). Not sleeping at night because of a crazy cough and ridiculous headache is a bit wearing. So, yesterday after church, Mom convinced me to go to Urgent Care to get some cough medicine so that I could at least sleep. The result? A breathing treatment, chest and sinus x-rays, a diagnosis of pneumonia, antibiotics, an inhaler, and cough syrup. Joy to the world. The positives? I have the best sub ever, I slept for 12 hours last night (and some more during the day today), and I'm hopefully kicking this thing in the butt (with the help of all the drugs).

Burfday Extravaganza!

I must say, I had a pretty special and exciting birthday this year. We really had no "birthday" plans, until this happened...

...I won Disneyland tickets from Eyewitness News. I was shocked! I was ecstatic! I knew my birthday weekend would be a fabulous time to go.

Who doesn't love Disneyland on their birthday?

You get one of these bad boys...

...and people say "Happy Birthday" to you all day long. Joy. Being in a wheelchair and getting to the front of lines didn't hurt either.

Our moms certainly were troopers--pushing our bums around all day.

Highlights of the day: Suzy, Erin, Tiffany, and Logan coming to visit, Big Thunder Mountain, Dole Whip, Space Mountain, the NEW Star Tours (oooooo!), running into Aaron Perlman, and fireworks. Delightful!

The following day held another HUGE highlight--Georgetown Cupcake!!!! Remember when Mom and I went to Georgetown Cupcake THREE days in a row last summer when we were in D.C.? No? Well, read about that here.  It is AMAZING. And, one just opened up in LA, so we just HAD to go!

Each day they have a secret not-on-the-menu flavor that they post on FB. If you are one of the first 100 people to order it by name, you get it for free! Guess what????

I'd like a strawberry lava fudge cupcake, please! What's that? It's free? You just made my day thankyouverymuch. 

And, of course, we couldn't stop there, so we have a lovely collection of cupcakes occupying our freezer, just ready to be devoured. :()

And the fun and surprises did not stop there! On my actual birthday, I got wished "happy birthday" from FOUR different countries (including a phone call from Nicole---eeek!), I got a Panda gift card from a student, flowers sent to my room by some awesome coworkers, a cake made just for me by my amazing physical therapist, and this wonderful surprise.....

Dinner with the Gruebers! I knew I was going to meet my mom and the Jensens at Tahoe Joes for dinner, but my mom surprised me and invited the Gruebers. I seriously almost cried when I saw them. It was so much fun and so so special. I love them so much!

Oh! And we also got TWO free desserts, thankyouverymuch.

So, besides all of that goodness, what did I actually get for my birthday, you ask? Some incredibly unique gifts! Read on...

 A beautiful keychain that holds a fortune (Sauni knows me well!) ... an elephant ornament from Lauren, and a wicker elephant from Brother and Polly

 A gorgeous ring from my mom that says "Be Still" and has the Ps. 46:10 verse inscribed on it, an adorable elephant print with Zeph. 3:17 on it, some deliciously awesome Lush products from Lauren, and an Eeyore pillow pet from Disneyland (don't judge)

Tickets to Holiday Lights at CALM from the Gruebers, an adorable picture from one of my students, the neatest chair from The Container Store from my dad, and the awesome flowers

A chevron passport holder from Mom, a scratch-off map for the places I've been from Mom, and an abundant bag of goodness from Trader Joes from one of my students

Pure AWESOMENESS. I also got some giftcards and other goodies--I just chose to highlight a few fun things for you here. 

It has truly been a fun and special few days. Thanks to everyone who made it so wonderful! Thanks for all of the birthday wishes whether in person, over the phone, or on FB. I appreciate you all! I am blessed. 

Two Thumbs DOWN!

Well, folks, I told you in the last post, that I'd give you an update after my doctor's appointment this week, so here goes nothing...

I've never felt great about this pain doc, but I wanted to give the guy a chance or two or three. No mas. All done. Chances-used-up.

I'm sure this guy knows his stuff, or enough stuff, but his bedside manner is #$%#$^$%&#$%^. Was that too harsh? Yes? Well, I don't take it back.

Today he made me feel small. Super small. We all know I'm not small. 

He thinks (and said over and over) that I need to do a nerve block. He's not happy that the CRPS isn't getting better. He doesn't like that it's moved to the other foot. He wants it taken care of now. He explained the nerve block quite logically. He made perfect sense. Still, I don't feel right about it. I don't want one. I wasn't ready to make a decision today.

So, I asked him if he had something written down or typed out that explained this nerve block--explained what he had just told me. Because, come on, who really remembers everything the doc says when you leave the office? Not this girl.

He looks up from his laptop for half a second and dryly says, "No, you want a pen?" 

(I couldn't even make this stuff up.)

But, did he even offer me a pen then? NO. I searched through my purse. My mom searched through her purse. We finally found one, but didn't have paper. Did he offer paper? Nope, he just waited. Mom finally pulled out an old receipt and I sat there waiting for him to speak.

Which he did--kind of--in half sentences as he typed other stuff as if I was inconveniencing HIM.

(I'm shocked I wasn't crying yet.)

So, after my half scribbled receipt explanation of the nerve block, I said I still wasn't ready to make a decision. I told him I'd call the office and let him know after I talked to a few people. We talked a bit more about medication. He then asked if I wanted to make an appointment for the nerve block or to come back to the office. NO NO NO. Weren't you listening? I'LL CALL YOUR OFFICE!

He then proceeded to tell us that he wouldn't be offended if we got a second opinion. Great. So, Mom asked if anyone is doing anything with CRPS down at UCLA or USC. She wanted to know where he'd suggest we'd go to find this second opinion--if anyone was doing any new research with CRPS.

His response: Well, there are pain doctors all over. A lot of them don't like dealing with CRPS. Lots of doctors just like to stick needles in backs.

WHAT?!?!?! Isn't that what you're trying to do???

Pain Doc: If you're unsure, just go ask some patients in the waiting room. See how well I've done with them. 

Mom: I just asked because you said it would be okay to get a second opinion. Is anyone doing anything innovative with CRPS?

Pain Doc: Everyone is just experimenting. It's like you're asking us to do Calculus when we haven't learned basic math yet! 

Ok God's-gift-to-pain-patients everywhere! REALLY? Get off your high horse. 

Pain Doc: You to be proactive. If this takes over your life, I wouldn't want to have to ask you what you actually did about it. 

Is that the doctor's way of saying I told you so? Ok, now it's my fault. Or it would be. Whatever.

And if WHAT he said wasn't out of line enough, HOW he said it was close to infuriating. I went into the appointment confident that we'd figure out some sort of plan. I came out freaked, on the brink of tears--feeling angry, confused, ridiculous, small.

Why would I want someone who makes me feel like that to stick a needle in my back?? And not ONCE, but ONCE A WEEK FOR A MONTH! (Did I forget to mention that part?) Oh yah, it would take about an hour or two once a week for a month. Sign me up! Not.

They always ask you how you'd rate your pain. What they should ask is how you'd rate the doctor: TWO THUMBS WAY DOWN!

Perhaps I was a bit sensitive, but he was way out of line.

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I cried the whole way home....especially when "Even If" by Kutless came on the radio: 

Even if the healing doesn't come 

                                                                   And life falls apart 

And dreams are still undone 

You are God You are good 

Forever faithful One 

Even if the healing 

Even if the healing doesn't come 

I cried some more when I got home. And then determination set in. Ok, God, what next? Show me what to do. Give me Your wisdom. Help me here! I don't know what to do, but you ALWAYS do! You are the forever faithful One. 

So, I emailed Krissi (for those who don't know, I know Krissi from college and she actually has dealt with CRPS for years and years). She's amazing and wise and compassionate. She emailed back shortly after and really put me at ease. She chose not to do a nerve block, :::huge sigh of relief::: and gave me  different ideas for what I can do. She spoke so highly of the UCLA doctors and is going to get some references for me. Thank you, God. 

Maybe I will have to do a nerve block eventually. Maybe I won't. But, I know that there are options out there. I know that rude pain doctor isn't the end all. Perhaps my next step is a trip to UCLA. 

I pray for wisdom and discretion. Will you please join me? 

You are God. You are good. Forever faithful One, even if the healing doesn't come. 

A Bad Case of Foot Jealousy...

Apparently Sir Lefty over here got a bit jealous that Righty was getting all the attention--what with CRPS and all. 

Soooo, Lefty decided to get CRPS too.

Yup, the lovely syndrome is now occupying both feet. Thanks a lot, Lefty.

Of course, Righty wouldn't let Lefty steal all of its glory, so the majority of the CRPS is still in Righty, but the crazy shiny skin and redness and burning has worked its way on over. Joy.

We always knew this was a possibility, but I was counting on Lefty to be solid--it already had its time to shine.

I go back to the pain dude this week. Maybe he'll have some insight (although most people don't). I'll keep you posted. :)